Emotional effects of a spanking

For the last three days, we have got lots of rain. It has kept me from getting on with my gardening projects, and it has caused that every day the dog and I came home wet and dirty from the riding club. I guess that is what made me moody and sullen so I forgot the manners and behaviour standards, my husband reasonably enough expects me to meet and then, when reproached, even forgot the respect I owe him and back-talked.
It began in the bakery where I in a very sarcastic manner took out my bad mood on the baker’s slow and incompetent maid. Outside the bakery, my husband rebuked me and reminded me sternly of how I am supposed to behave. He had good reason to do this because I had been naughty but I was annoyed and grumpy so instead of apologising and adjusting my attitude I gave him an impertinent answer. The moment I had done it I knew that now I was in deep trouble and I wished that I retroactively could keep my mouth shut. Although I know him well enough to know that I did not need to fear that he lost his temper and scolded me loudly or slapped me in public my husband’s facial expression was enough to make me shiver and nervously clench my buttocks. Sternly he told me that my attitude was unacceptable so I should go and sit and wait for him in the car and then we at home would have a serious talk about my behaviour.
At this point, I was both ashamed and frightened, so I hastily obeyed and, as it since childhood has been my habit when feeling the need for emphasising my humble obedience, I reflexively gave a quick curtsey before I hastily and with head bowed went to the car.
My husband had a few errands in the mall, so I had to wait half an hour or so before he turned up and half an hour is a long time to sit alone and reflect on the disadvantages of being naughty and speaking in haste without first thinking.  I knew that my husband was going to punish me and I could not disagree that my naughty behaviour not just warranted punishment but made a severe spanking urgently needed. I was ashamed, frightened and nervous.
The atmosphere during the drive home was unpleasant, and though we did not speak at all, I was in no doubt that my husband was displeased with me and intended to teach me a lesson I would not soon forget.
We arrived home, brought our purchases in and, as soon as we had put them on the table, my husband demanded an explanation for my “intolerably bad behaviour”. I hate this kind of conversation. I was aware of having behaved intolerably bad but still, it does not make explanations easier when my behaviour before I even begin to explain is labelled “intolerably bad”.  And the following questions of the kind  “do you not know that you are supposed to speak to people in a polite and considerate way?” and “then why do you not do so?” never makes me feel more comfortable and perhaps this is because I know for certain  that the sometimes long and sometimes short line of these inquisitorial question will unavoidably end with devastating final question of the kind; “when you admit being naughty, impertinent and disobedient you can perhaps tell me what you now deserve?”  Of course, I know the answer to the question and typically I have known it from the start but it is a frightening and embarrassing answer.
So many times have I been in this unpleasant situation and had this embarrassing conversation and I have always experienced it as emotionally hard. I guess that to someone witnessing one of these situations it would seem that I stood in front of my husband like a naughty little school girl but this is not how I experience it. I never feel like a little girl but am embarrassingly well aware of the fact that I am not a little girl who still has a lot to learn about how to behave but I am a grown up woman who should know far better than being so naughty as I have been. No matter what I have done wrong I am always very ashamed when my husband has to correct and rebuke me. It makes me feel guilty and both needing and deserving punishment.
When the embarrassing questioning and reprimand at times is lengthy, it causes great emotional distress and makes me cry much more out of shame than out of fear of the upcoming punishment.
On this occasion, the questioning, lecturing and reprimanding did not go on for too long.  But being sent in disgrace to the car and waiting there had also provoked some healthy reflection resulting in guilty feelings and shame so as so often before I experienced it almost as a relief when I was told to go and fetch the strap from its hook on the inside of the broom cupboard door. Having my naughtiness and failure to behave described and elaborated on in all embarrassing details affects me a lot emotionally and I always experience it as a deeply unpleasant part of my punishments but exactly because it is so emotionally troubling and makes me so shamefully aware of being a naughty and wayward woman does it also cause me to experience a need for an actual punishment. That I deserve to be punished soundly and thoroughly is made clear to me and I need it not just as correction and behaviour adjustment but also as atonement that can relieve me of guilt. That I already at this point am genuinely contrite is good but there must be a severe and tangible deliverance of this contrition to ensure righteousness.
I brought the strap from the cupboard, gave a nice humble curtsey when I handed it to my husband and then I obediently stood behind the chair, he had put out on the floor and I lifted up my skirt so that he could pull down my knickers before I assumed position bending over the chair back and clinging with my hands to the seat.
I did not know how many whacks I would get. He always just continues to spank me until he decides that I have got what I deserve but except for the number of whacks to anticipate I knew exactly what now would happen and with good reason, I dreaded it. He would not dream of warming up my bottom with some slaps with his hand or light lashes with the strap because it is punishment and every whack is mean to inflict considerable pain so he wields the strap forcefully from start to end of the spanking and he spanks steadily and systematically without ever letting my crying or my at times desperate twisting and kicking affect him.
If I struggle and wrench too hysterically he puts his hand on my neck and holds me down but the strap continues to work on my bare bottom.  Already the first whack has a shockingly breathtaking effect on me and it is just the first of what seems to be a never-ceasing rain of forceful whacks that all causes an incredibly fierce pain that burns deep into my flesh. Quickly the pain is building up to what seems absolutely unbearable and drives me to desperation so I cry and twist and kick uninhibited without caring how childishly and undignified I act. All the time I naively think that now the pain is so overwhelming that it cannot get any worse but this does not prevent the strap from continuously increasing the painful blaze on my bottom.
The strap hits all over my bottom, but mostly it focuses on the fleshy lower half of my buttocks and on my upper thighs that always get thoroughly thrashed so it is burning intensively long after the spanking ends and also is sore and throbbing for days after.
Also this time I as expected and feared had to endure so intolerable pain that I thought that the punishment would never end and at times I during the spanking acted hysterically but eventually it was over and the strap finally stopped dancing on my bare bottom.
 I still cried, and my bottom was glowing red and ached and throbbed, but at least it did no longer get worse.  I was permitted to pick my knickers up from the floor, I had kicked them off during the spanking, and then go to the bathroom and freshen up. It took me some time to compose and stop crying, and the burning pain on my bottom abated only slowly. It was in a  state that made me very aware that I had been well and thoroughly punished for my misbehaviour and the soreness and pain would last for some time to come.
But emotionally I was now much better off than before. During the spanking, the dreadful pain was so overwhelming that it alone occupied my mind but afterwards, the emotional impact of the spanking became dominant and though I naturally was not jubilantly cheerful I was far from despondent and in low spirits. My glowing red, aching and throbbing bottom caused me great discomfort and would for some time continue to do so but I had been burdened by shame and guilt because I was naughty and now I had been thoroughly punished as I deserved. The fierce pain on my bottom made me very aware of having been punished but the dreadful pain I had endured and was still suffering the aftermath of also made me aware that I had got the punishment I deserved and needed, had atoned for my misbehaviour and now was given a fresh start.
This was emotionally very satisfying and though the pain was still intense and caused me to whimper did the spanking though highly unpleasant now seem as not only the natural and righteous consequence of my naughtiness but also as a positive influence on me.  It had clenched me of guilt and it had humbled me and made me a better woman who not soon again would forget my manners and the consideration and respect I owe especially my husband but also other people. I was not proud of having misbehaved so that I deserved to be spanked and I wished that I could have avoided the horribly painful punishment but I fully acknowledged that the spanking had been deserved and needed and would have very positive effects on me and my attitude and behaviour. During the spanking, I had suffered absolutely dreadful pain and now my bottom for some days would be awfully sore and cause me lots of discomforts and difficulties sitting so I was not exactly happy and not either unhappy but quietly content and basically satisfied with the way my husband had done his duty as HOH and disciplinarian and put things right by intervening when I misbehaved and teaching me the needed severe lesson by spanking me thoroughly. It had been painful and unpleasant but it had been necessary and right and I as well as my husband and other people in my surroundings would now benefit from me improving my attitude and behaviour.
My husband is a man who takes his husbandly duties seriously and also as disciplinarian always makes sure to do the job properly. Such a thing as a little spanking or a light spanking is not practised in our home, spankings are always severe, and if needed they are very severe.  This means that just as the embarrassing stern questioning and lecturing before the spanking is also the aftermath an important.  Part of the punishment and my husband always spanks me so at least for a couple of days after is sitting a dubious pleasure and my bottom is so sore that there is no risk that I just for a moment forget having been naughty and getting punished as I deserved.
The moment the first few whacks of the strap hit my bare bottom and instantly sets it on fire, I always feel that now I have already been punished enough and have learned my lesson. I do not understand that it is necessary that the spanking continues for what at the time seems to be an eternity and causes me such a dreadful and unbearable pain. I always want the spanking to stop as quickly as possible and I always quickly assure my husband that it is enough and that I will be good but fortunately,  he knows how to spank me so it is effective and beneficial punishment.  This is fortunate because if he only spanked me lightly and halfheartedly it surely would not have the desired positive effects on me and my behaviour and very probably it would instead be contra productive.
Although it at the moment would be a relief if my husband only spanked me leniently I no doubt soon would feel strangely dissatisfied and unfulfilled. Surely I would experience being corrected and punished with such lenience as not being taken seriously. Being spanked in a lenient way that did not come near to the deserved severity would only humiliate me and label me as a naughty woman but not give me a chance for atoning.  The guilt would still burden my conscience, the shame would still be on me and I would not get any relief and not any encouragement to improve my behaviour.  Furthermore, it would make me feel insecure if my husband was permissive and lenient so I no longer could rely on him to be the immovable authority that keeps me in line and ensures order, stability and harmony within safe boundaries.
Exactly how this insecurity and such negative emotions would make me behave I cannot say and I hope that I will never find out but I am sure that the bad influence on my attitude as well as my mood would soon be obvious.
It is a fact that being kept in line, being held accountable for my misbehaviour and consistently being spanked severely when I deserve punishment all is a very positive influence on me and is experienced and appreciated as a needed support to in general be well behaved, considerate, compliant and also happy and cheerful.
Acknowledging the positive effects of getting my bare bottom spanked soundly and thoroughly when I misbehave also means that the aftermath does not cause bad emotions bad mood. It is true that it is not exactly pleasant when my bottom is sore and aching after a spanking and I at least for a couple of days have to give up riding my horse, give up riding my bicycle, be careful when I sit down and must expect the smouldering pain to blaze up if I move without caution but this is only a physical and not an emotional discomfort. My thoughts and emotions during these days naturally reflect that my sore bottom constantly reminds me of having got a well-deserved spanking for being naughty. Then it comes naturally that my thoughts for instance when I do my chores are focussed on my misbehaviour and the punishment. I reflect on how why and how I misbehaved, how foolishly childish I behaved, how my bad behaviour made it necessary for my husband to discipline me, how ashamed I was, etcetera but what all these and many other thoughts are summing up to is this: The before mentioned satisfied knowledge of having been punished as I deserved, increased respect for and faith in my husband, gratefulness that I am well looked after and kept accountable for my misbehaviour and finally a deeply satisfying feeling of content, security, harmony and order.  The days when my sore bottom keeps reminding me of my misbehaviour and its painful consequences give me a chance to both intellectually and emotionally consider every aspect of the punishment and why I deserved it and what I should learn from the painful experience. It helps me to fully comprehend how much I deserved the spanking and how beneficial it is for me that my husband does not hesitate to give me a sound and thorough bare bottom thrashing when I misbehave and fail to behave so he can be pleased with me.