For the last three days, we have gotten lots of rain. It has kept me from getting on with my gardening projects, and every day the dog and I came home wet and dirty from the riding club. I guess that is what made me moody and sullen so I forgot my manners and behavior. My husband expects me not to forget the respect I owe him.
It began in the bakery where I took out my bad mood on the baker’s slow and incompetent maid. Outside the bakery, my husband rebuked me and reminded me sternly about how I am supposed to behave. He had good reason to do this because I had been naughty but I was annoyed and grumpy so instead of apologizing and adjusting my attitude, I gave him an impertinent answer. The moment I had done it I knew that I was in deep trouble. I wished I had kept my mouth shut. Although I know him well enough to know that I did not need to fear him losing his temper and scolding or slapping me openly in public, my husband’s facial expression was enough to make me shiver and nervously clench my buttocks. Sternly he told me that my attitude was unacceptable so I should go and sit and wait for him in the car. When we got home we would have a serious talk about my behavior.
I was both ashamed and frightened, so I hastily obeyed. Since childhood it has been my habit when feeling the need to emphasize humble obedience, to reflexively give a quick curtsey before hastily and with head bowed, going to the car.
My husband had a few errands to run in the mall, so I had to wait half an hour or so before he returned. That is a long time to sit alone and reflect on the disadvantages of being naughty and speaking in haste without thinking first. I knew that my husband was going to punish me. I could not disagree that my naughty behavior warranted punishment and that I needed a severe spanking. I was ashamed, frightened and nervous.
The atmosphere during the drive home was unpleasant, and though we did not speak at all, There was no doubt that my husband was displeased with me and intended to teach me a lesson I would not soon forget.
We arrived home, brought our purchases in and, as soon as we had put them on the table, my husband demanded an explanation for my “intolerably bad behavior”. I hate this kind of conversation. I was aware of having behaved intolerably but still, it does not make explanations easier when my behavior before I even begin to explain is labelled “intolerably bad”. Questions like; “Do you not know that you are supposed to speak to people in a polite and considerate way?” and “Why do you not do so?” make me feel worse. I know the final question will be; “When you admit being naughty, impertinent and disobedient you can perhaps tell me what you now deserve?” Of course, I know the answer to the question and typically I have known it from the start but it is frightening and embarrassing to answer.
I have been in this unpleasant situation and had this embarrassing conversation many times and it is stressful. To someone witnessing the situation would seem that I stood in front of my husband like a naughty little school girl but this is not how it feels to me. I never feel like a little girl but am well aware of the fact that I am an adult who still has a lot to learn about how to behave. I am a grown woman who should know better than being as naughty as I have been. No matter what I have done wrong I am always very ashamed when my husband has to correct and rebuke me. It makes me feel guilty and deserving of punishment.
The embarrassing questions and reprimands are lengthy, it causes great emotional distress and makes me cry more out of shame than fear of the upcoming punishment.
This time, the questioning, lecturing and reprimanding did not go on for long. But being sent in disgrace to the car and waiting there had also provided healthy reflection resulting in guilty feelings and shame. It was almost a relief when I was told to go and fetch the strap from its hook on the inside of the broom cupboard door. Having my naughtiness and failure to behave described and elaborated on in embarrassing detail affects me a lot emotionally and I always experience it as a deeply unpleasant part of my punishment. It is so emotionally troubling and makes me shamefully aware of being a naughty and wayward woman. It also causes me to experience a need for the actual punishment. The fact that I deserve to be punished soundly and thoroughly is made clear to me and I need it not just as correction and behavior adjustment but also as atonement that can relieve me of guilt. I am already at this point, genuinely contrite. There must be a severe and tangible deliverance of punishment to ensure improved behavior.
I brought the strap from the cupboard, gave a humble curtsey when I handed it to my husband and then I obediently stood behind the chair. I lifted up my skirt so that he could pull down my knickers before I assumed the position bending over the chair back and clinging with my hands to the seat.
I did not know how many whacks I would get. He always continues to spank me until he decides that I have gotten what I deserve. Except for the number of whacks to anticipate I knew exactly what would happen. I dreaded it, and with good reason. He would not dream of warming up my bottom with some slaps with his hand or light lashes with the strap. It is punishment and every whack is meant to inflict considerable pain. He wields the strap forcefully from start to finish. He spanks steadily and systematically without ever letting my tears or desperate twisting and kicking affect him.
If I struggle and wrench too hysterically he puts his hand on my neck and holds me down. But the strap continues to work on my bare bottom, regardless. The first whack has a shocking effect on me and it is the first of what seems to be a never-ceasing rain of forceful whacks that causes fierce pain and burns deep into my flesh. Quickly the pain is building up to what seems unbearable and drives me to desperation. I cry and twist and kick uninhibited without caring how childishly and undignified I act. All the time I naively think that it cannot get any worse but this does not prevent him from bringing the strap down continuously increasing the painful blaze on my bottom.
The strap hits all over my bottom, but mostly it focuses on the fleshy lower half of my buttocks and on my upper thighs. That area always gets thoroughly thrashed so it is burning intensively long after the spanking ends. It is also sore and throbbing for days after. I thought that the punishment would never end and at times during the spanking I acted hysterically. Eventually it was over and the strap finally stopped dancing on my bare bottom.
I still cried, and my bottom was glowing red and ached and throbbed, but at least it didn’t get worse. I was permitted to pick my knickers from the floor, I had kicked them off during the spanking, and then go to the bathroom and freshen up. It took me some time to compose and stop crying, and the burning pain on my bottom abated only slowly. I was very aware that I had been thoroughly punished for my misbehavior and the soreness and pain would last for some time to come.
Emotionally I was now much better off than before. During the spanking, the dreadful pain was so overwhelming that it alone occupied my mind but afterwards, the emotional impact of the spanking became dominant and though I naturally was not jubilant, I was far from despondent and in low spirits. My glowing red, aching and throbbing bottom caused me great discomfort and would for some time continue. I had been burdened by shame and guilt because I was naughty and now I had been thoroughly punished as I deserved. The fierce pain on my bottom made me very aware of having been punished but the dreadful pain I had endured and was still suffering the aftermath of also made me aware that I had got the punishment I deserved and needed. I had atoned for my misbehavior and now was given a fresh start.
This was emotionally satisfying. The pain was still intense and caused me to whimper. The spanking though highly unpleasant, was not only the natural and righteous consequence of my naughtiness but also as a positive influence on me. It had cleared me of guilt and it had humbled me and made me a better woman who would not soon forget my manners and the respect I owe not only my husband but also other people. I was not proud of having misbehaved so that I deserved to be spanked. I wished that I could have avoided the punishment altogether. But I fully acknowledged that the spanking had been deserved and needed and would have a very positive effect on me and my attitude and behavior.
My husband takes his husbandly duties seriously and also as a disciplinarian always makes sure to do the job properly. A little spanking or a light spanking is not practiced in our home. Spankings are always severe, and if needed they are very severe. The embarrassing stern questioning and lecturing before the spanking is also part of the important aftermath. My husband always spanks me again at least for a couple of days. My bottom is so sore that there is no risk of me forgetting having been naughty and getting punished as I deserved.
Although it at the moment would be a relief if my husband only spanked me leniently I no doubt soon would feel strangely dissatisfied and unfulfilled. Furthermore, it would make me feel insecure if my husband was permissive and lenient so I no longer could rely on him to be the immovable authority that keeps me in line and ensures order, stability and harmony within safe boundaries.
Exactly how this insecurity and such negative emotions would make me behave I cannot say and I hope that I will never find out. I am sure that the bad influence on my attitude as well as my mood would soon be obvious.
It is a fact that being kept in line, being held accountable for my misbehavior and consistently being spanked severely when I deserve punishment all is a very positive influence on me.
Acknowledging the positive effects of getting my bare bottom spanked soundly and thoroughly when I misbehave also means that the aftermath does not cause bad emotions bad mood. It is true that it is not exactly pleasant when my bottom is sore and aching after a spanking and I at least for a couple of days have to give up riding my horse, give up riding my bicycle, be careful when I sit down and must expect the smoldering pain to blaze up if I move without caution but this is only a physical and not an emotional discomfort. My thoughts and emotions during these times naturally reflect that my sore bottom constantly reminds me of having got a well-deserved spanking for being naughty. Then it comes naturally that my thoughts are focused on my misbehavior and the punishment. I reflect on how why and I misbehaved, how foolishly childish I behaved, how my bad behavior made it necessary for my husband to discipline me, how ashamed I was, etc. But what all these and many other thoughts are coming to is this: The satisfied knowledge of having been punished as I deserved, increased respect for and faith in my husband, gratefulness that I am well looked after and kept accountable for my misbehavior and finally a deeply satisfying feeling of content, security, harmony and order. The days when my sore bottom keeps reminding me of my misbehavior and its painful consequences give me a chance to both intellectually and emotionally consider every aspect of the punishment and why I deserved it and what I should learn from the painful experience. It helps me to fully comprehend how much I deserved the spanking and how beneficial it is for me that my husband does not hesitate to give me a sound and thorough bare bottom thrashing when I misbehave and fail to behave so he can be pleased with me.
