Answers

For the sake of our marriage, discipline has to become more effective

Question:

My husband and I have been struggling with my punishments lately. He spanks me and it hurts, but it never seems to be a reminder for me to behave long term. He also feels that spankings aren’t doing their job, but doesn’t know what else to do. Do you have any suggestions? For the sake of our marriage, discipline has to become more effective. I know whatever your suggestions are will bring me discomfort, which I am scared for and embarrassed to have to ask, but I know I should especially for my husband. Thank you for your consideration.

Answer:

A straightforward response to your question is for your husband to establish a consequence that genuinely concerns you and that you wish to avoid experiencing again.

There are various methods through which your husband could discipline you, and spanking is not the sole option.

Your query has prompted several questions from me that need answers so I can effectively assist in saving your marriage.

To provide more informed guidance, I need a more profound comprehension of your relationship dynamics.

I recommend scheduling a 30-minute mentoring session with me, either individually or as a couple, so that I can gain a clearer understanding of your relationship and its challenges.

I tried to contact you by email, but the email bounced. Please contact me if you are interested in a mentoring session.

Should my HOH have waited till we were back home?

Question:

My parents have always practiced DD. As we got older we were aware when spankings occurred to my mother. I am now married and we also practice DD. About a month or so ago while at my parents home I did something that I had been previously warned would not be tolerated (I rolled my eyes at my HOH). I regretted it immediately and knew I would most likely get spanked but I was not expecting to receive my spanking in my parents house. I was taken to another room but I know my parents and siblings could hear. Should my HOH have waited til we were back home? I felt doubly punished by it being so publicly known.

Answer:

Yes, I believe your husband acted appropriately by addressing the situation immediately, even though it was at your parents’ house. Given that you were raised in an environment where domestic discipline was practiced and have chosen to maintain this lifestyle in your marriage, it seems consistent that your husband would uphold those agreed-upon norms, regardless of the location. Moreover, the incident that prompted the discipline—rolling your eyes—occurred at your parent’s house, which makes it contextually relevant for the discipline to happen there as well.

It’s important to note that your husband chose to handle the situation in a more private setting by taking you to another room, which respects your privacy to some extent while still addressing the behavior promptly. If your parents did not practice domestic discipline, the context might differ significantly, and it might have been more appropriate to wait until you returned home.

To avoid a similar situation in the future, consider aligning your actions with the expectations set forth in your relationship, especially when in environments where such actions might lead to immediate consequences.

This advice assumes that all aspects of your domestic discipline relationship are consensual and agreed upon by both parties. If ever it feels non-consensual, it’s crucial to reevaluate the dynamics with professional help.

How or should punishments change during the pregnancy?

Question:

We are newlyweds that practice DD. We have recently discovered that I am pregnant. How or should punishments change during the pregnancy?

Answer:

Regarding the approach to Domestic Discipline during pregnancy, it’s indeed wise and prudent to prioritize the health and safety of both the expectant mother and the unborn child. It’s essential to consult with your healthcare provider about any aspects of your relationship that might entail physical strain or emotional stress, including disciplinary practices.

Since each pregnancy is unique and health recommendations vary, getting a professional opinion is crucial. Only a healthcare provider can offer guidance that considers your specific health situation.

In the meantime, it is wise to explore non-physical alternatives for maintaining your relationship dynamic. Some potential adjustments could include corner time, writing lines, composing essays, implementing screen time limitations, or adjusting personal allowances. These methods can be effective and keep the structure of your relationship intact without risking physical or emotional harm during such a crucial time.

In the end, maintaining open communication and ensuring that all actions are consensual and thoughtfully considered will help protect the well-being of everyone involved, particularly during such a transformative period. Remember, the focus is always on supporting each other and nurturing your growing family.

How Can We Do Quiet spankings?

Question:

We had to move and now in a much hollow house also my father with dementia came to live with us my husband is worried about the kids and my dad hearing the spankings how can we get around this ?

Answer:

My advice involves considering a cane-type implement. Many sellers offer these in various materials, including rattan, plastic, carbon fiber, and rubber, all known for their minimal noise output. The only distinct sound these canes produce is a sharp whoosh immediately before impact, which delivers a sharp sting.

It is crucial to use these implements with CAUTION. I recommend that the Head of Household (HoH) proceed with care initially until proficiency with the chosen implement is gained. It could be beneficial for the HoH to test the cane on his hand and thighs to become familiar with the sensation and potential damage that can occur if misused.

My wife was negligent, how should I discipline her

My wife was negligent, how should I discipline her?

Question:

We have a 2 year old and have been married for 4 years. We are in our middle 20’s. We started living DD a few months ago.

Our daughter got into some laundry pods and had to be rushed to the hospital. Thank goodness she is fine, but it was horrible in the moment.

My wife knows she has something coming her way and has been very sorry and submissive. She was totally negligent and it is the first time I am having to spank her for negligence. As I say a red alert, which requires a barn burner spanking. I don’t want to hurt her but I need to get through to her.

I saw your article on the cane and that would be perfect, but I am too nervous about using one without having experience.

I only have used my belt so far. I do have a shiny thick black school paddle that I think could be perfect for her transgression, but again I am nervous about hurting her. I am afraid only of breaking her skin. Is a little skin breakage acceptable? I know it can happen as long as it is on the surface.

Do you have any suggestions?

Answer:

Your wife’s infraction is severe and could have led to a tragedy.

I know your wife is sorry for what she did, but as HoH, she needs and expects you to carry out this punishment, so don’t be tempted to be lenient because of her submission and remorse.
Your wife needs to learn to be more responsible, so this does not happen again.

Either the cane or paddle is a good implement to use for this infraction.

I do not advise you to use them until the skin breaks, but I suggest that you also add a stern lecture and corner time both before and after the spanking is given.

I suggest that you give her a weekly maintenance spanking along with corner time until you are certain that this infraction will never happen again.

Should I discipline my husband?

Question:

I am spanked for infractions, though rarely. My husband’s neglect has put us in big trouble with IRS and the state. He agrees that for this, he must be disciplined. He suggested that a pro-disciplinarian should administer monthly floggings. I think that wastes money that could go to paying off overdue taxes. I would like to administer canings and floggings. He says this would undermine my discipline sessions. I say no, there are times he will admit guilt and submit, and oftentimes, he will be in charge. I would also invite a couple of witnesses to make it more humiliating and to make sure we don’t hit the sheets before it is really severe. What do u think? Perhaps the first time it should be a pro, and then I should do him. And once he bleeds, is it time to stop, or can I finish the planned number of strokes?

Answer:

Yes, I agree with why your husband needs to be held accountable for his neglect, but I agree with him that if you were to administer the punishment, then it would undermine his position as HoH if you carried out the spankings. He is the head of your house, and you cannot punish him as you are the submissive partner. Do your parents or an elder relative know of your lifestyle?

Getting one of your fathers, uncle, elder brother, or even an older male that you both look up to administer the spanking would be a cheaper option if you don’t want to pay for a professional disciplinarian.
To add humiliation for your husband, this could be done in front of you.
Regarding the number of strokes, I do not recommend caning until he bleeds; breaking the skin could lead to infection, etc. I would instead recommend monthly spankings until the debt he has caused has been earned and paid back by your husband.

Would it be alright for her father or her brother to administer her spankings when I am away

Would it be alright for her father or her brother to administer her spankings when I am away?

Question:

I am newly married. I will be going out of town for three months and need to know if it would be alright for her father or her brother to administer her spankings when I am away.

She has a lot to learn and work on, and if I am away and can’t administer her whippings, it is going to set her back big time.

She was spanked by her father the day we got married as a way to now turn her over to my authority. She grew up being spanked and, at times, received a spanking from her much older brother of 10 years, who was designated as HOH when his dad was away for stretches of time.

I truly have no problem with either doing this way away. I want to make sure it is alright before I break the news to my wife.

Answer:

Yes, that is an excellent idea for you to arrange for your wife’s father or brother to administer discipline while you are out of town for three months.

Your wife is used to living a disciplined lifestyle, and I feel it would not be helpful for her to go three months without discipline. Your wife is used to having boundaries and rules; when she has these, she will feel more secure.

How bad a spanking, will a harsh caning will be for speeding?

How bad a spanking will a harsh caning will be for speeding?

Question:

I am newly married and agreed to live the DD lifestyle.

I have been spanked several times since marrying three months ago.

I will be receiving my first canning for speeding and almost having an accident. I definitely know I was wrong and deserve a harsh spanking. My husband is a very harsh spanker and believes if you do wrong you will bend and accept what is due you. He also believes spankings must hurt as it must be made very unpleasant for me to enact change. He had training in the using the cane.

I am nervous as he said you will not know what hits you when he gives me my caning.

I have no one to ask, but do you know how bad a spanking, a harsh caning will be?

He said I will be getting 40 strokes, including on my thighs.

Thanks so much. I am scared.

Answer:

This is going to hurt there is no doubt about that.
Your husband clearly means to teach you a lesson, you’re speeding nearly caused an accident and he has decided that you have to learn not to speed so you are not injured or cause an accident in the future.

40 strikes with the cane is a lot but it also depends on how hard his strikes are, as you know, your thighs are a lot more tender than your bottom.
I think you are right to be scared, but you have chosen and consented to a domestic discipline lifestyle, accept your punishment, and learn from it.

Is it a good idea to get another wife to spank my wife?

Question: is it a good idea to have another wife give my wife-mom a punishment spanking rather than me spanking her?

Answer: This would be OK in certain circumstances, such as you worked away from home for long periods or were psyically incapable of spanking her yourself.
Besides that, you should be the one who hands out the discipline as you are. HoH, and it is you who should be the one.

Disciplining your wife for infractions is a very intimate experience that brings you closer together; your wife needs to know you are the HoH and will be firm when it is required. You are her rock.

I am curious to know your thoughts on disciplining my bride/wife on the wedding night.

Q: I have followed your posts for some time now and find your thoughts illuminating.
I am curious to know your thoughts on disciplining my bride/wife on the wedding night. My prospective father in law in a very traditional man and when I spoke to him to seek his approval/blessing, he said the responsibility of ensuring that the marriage/family endures is on the husband. It’s for the husband to take charge from day 1 and enforce structure and discipline and make sure the wife is obedient. According to him, “If your wife becomes disobedient, you will only have yourself to blame for that.” Do you believe a proper caning on the wedding night itself is an effective way to set the tone in the marriage?

A: Firstly, have you and your bride discussed living a domestic discipline lifestyle?
Has your bride agreed to live a domestic discipline lifestyle?
If your bride has not consented to this, you should not discipline her. A domestic discipline lifestyle only works if both partners agree to live this way.
I agree with what your father-in-law says.
Regarding your question, should you cane her on your wedding night?
You should only discipline when it has been earned and not just discipline just because you can.
Discipline is not a sexual pleasure act. Being disciplined is for learning and correction.

Suppose you and your bride intend on sexually using spanking in the bedroom. In that case, that is fine as long as you differentiate between pleasure and discipline. They are not and never will be the same.

Having a regular maintenance spanking is also ok some couples find maintenance spanking very beneficial, but using a cane seems harsh, in my opinion, for maintenance.

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